thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
