what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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