i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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