I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
