I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
