It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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