it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
