I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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