Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
