thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
