I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
