i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
