: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
