my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
