hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize