I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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