On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
