This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
