A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
