I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my shit smells like andre
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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