My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
