meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
sarcasm needs its own font
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
