She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
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