If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
