So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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