i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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