ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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