my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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