i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
