dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this will be a night to untag.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
