yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
