I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
