You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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