What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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