No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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