just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
