No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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