Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
