I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize