I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
