He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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