The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
