you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
