Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
