No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
