She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
