Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
