just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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