why im i the only drunk person in the library?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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