dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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