Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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