He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
