That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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