Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
