I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
