Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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