I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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