all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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