I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
