Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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