i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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