i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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