were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this boner is exhausting
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
