He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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