okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
