Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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