Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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