i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
